My Pledge to Openness
My earliest memory is a snapshot with no time stamp. I remember opening the door to my parents’ bedroom and seeing my father standing at the foot of their bed, that’s all. I don’t remember the events that happened before I opened the door and it seems as if my memory stops at seeing my father standing at the foot of the bed.
Looking back at my childhood there are memories that are so vivid it’s as if they are imprinted in my mind. Memories are unable to be controlled. I can’t choose which of the good ones I want to hold onto and I can’t choose which of the painful ones I can let go of, they are there. I see these memories as a kaleidoscope with different shapes, sizes, colors and each one has shaped me in so many ways. The shape of my life continues to change and new memories take the place of existing ones and what I’ve learned over the years is that I get to choose the shape, it’s not chosen for me. There was a time when I didn’t think I could choose or even if I did choose it wouldn’t make a difference. I thought that I was too small and insignificant and the rest of the world was more powerful.
My intention for the existence of this blog is to share as many pieces of my life as I can and to share them candidly and only with enough filter to not name the names of others. I’ll share the jagged pieces, the smooth, the bright, the shadowed and the refined. Why am I doing this you might ask? I’ll tell you. I’m doing it so that anyone who reads this will be able to see that no piece of them is too dark or broken to have light shined on it. Our world exists in secrets, disguises, lies and distractions and I am choosing to share myself with anyone who reads this so a more open, honest and authentic conversation can begin. I would like to invite you, the reader to look at what you see as the “best” and “worst” of you and share it with someone anyway. It’s easy to love when what we see looks how we want it to look. It’s more powerful to love when how it looks challenges our own vision. That goes for loving ourselves as well as others.